Wunderschnitzel release unfinished album to pay bills

.
The Sydney Herald

Due to contractual obligations, legal wrangling and threats from their former drummer Max Pedalo, Wunderschnitzel has been forced to release an album that was recorded over two years ago. The album remained unfinished after Max Pedelo disappeared under mysterious circumstances, only later to reemerge in the city of Manaus in the Amazon where he had been drumming for pop sensation La Tigresa. Originally titled 'Man Fat' the bands accountant and good vibes director Schmuttie Starrman decided to release the album, claiming that the band need to payoff a rather hefty 'restaurant bill', while any remaining proceeds will go towards the much needed extension of the Von Tropp Tea Rooms in Austria of which Wunderschnitzel Inc. are the current owners and current holders of EU Cleanest Tea Room Toilet Silver Award.

The 8 track album despite being unfinished has the Wunderschnitzel trademark blend of Electro Folk Rock Pop and something else. The else in this instance comes from a trunk full of instruments that the band and guest musicians tinker and experiment with to create layered ten minute tracks of noodling, further imposed with some free form poetry. The opening track 'Hairy Cyclops' starts with a gregorian chant from the monks of St Larry's Monastery in Melbourne, which then becomes layered with reggae island rhythms in minor chords whilst guest rapper Nuff Sayed tells a story of how he battles everyday with a mental creature called the Hairy Cyclops.

On the track 'Evening Romp' guest singer Ruben Paella delivers punk poetry with a Wordsworthian twist, while the Wunderschnitzel harmonies and basslines are reminiscent of Liberace meets The Dubliners on a day out on Barry White’s yacht. With backing vocals from the Sofia Street Corner Girls Choir and a special guest appearance by the country star Willie Nelson on the track Broken Huevos, listening fans can really count themselves lucky that this album was even made at all. What it sounds like in the end is almost second fiddle because as Rick Astley sings whilst playing the finger bells on the track Love Palpitation, 'I Could Have Missed the Boat, But I Didn't.'... How true.

Italian Film Director Ronaldo Fabulosi demands Wunderschnitzel to star in another movie.

Boston Globe – Kiev Special Report

Miss Jimi’s signature skimpy LA style bikini and fur coat ensemble has spurned a fashion craze all across the Ukraine, even reaching some far flung conservative farming communities, where the army has been called out, but last night the Electro-Folk-Rock-Pop Gods Wunderschnitzel wowed an exuberant crowd of five thousand fans at the Peppermint Walrus Club in Kiev. When the band opened with their 1993 hit Space Schnitzel and singer Miss Jimi took to the stage many of the fans disrobed and flung their clothes towards their idols.

As part of their Rock Da Haus Tour the band has three gigs lined up in the Ukraine, one at the infamous Odessa Cake Company, a large bakery that was in fact sued in 2001 by Wunderschnitzel’s Magnus Glocken for illegally stealing his cake recipe for Marmorgugelhupf. Evidently there is more than meets the eye and we will be following that story in the days to come.

The big revelation this week which dampened any on-line interest in the rumours of Wunderschnitzel’s former drummer Max Pedelo returning to the band, is that Italian film Director Ronaldo Fabulosi has signed Magnus Glocken and his partner Ludwig Speil to another movie deal. It was only in 2003 that Wunderschnitzel’s Max Glocken and Ludwig Speil starred in another Fabulosi film entitled La Grande Crepa, a gangster flick in which they play a pair of traveling troubadour assassins who are employed by the Mafia boss Don Zucca to track down his rivals to a hidden cave complex in the mountains. This new movie is reputed to be equally worthy to be released immediately to DVD. Ronaldo Fabulosi himself told reporters that the script would be a musical drama about two sewer technicians from Munich who decide to take the law in their own hands and take revenge on an inner circle of town council members who have ignored health and safety standards.

Ronaldo Fabulosi told Reuters News Agency over the phone from his mobile chalet outside Venice that this new film despite having a musical element would still have his signature blend of violence, explosives and naked girls. ‘Even when I did the movie 'White or Red' about 16th century monks creating a white wine that could be turned red with a simple additive, I still got violence, explosives and naked dames in there somehow. Put all that down a sewer and you’ve got yourself an even bigger hit and because with all that methane down I wont need to spend anything on pyrotechnics,’ he was quoted as saying. He also noted that he had cast Wunderschnitzel’s former bodyguards Kurt Venderbeers, Uri Flopov and Seymour Wang, known in the protection business as The Three Fists. They will play the inner circle of town councilors and it was reported that all parties were looking forward to working together again since they retired this year as Wunderschnitzel’s official personal protection to pursue other areas. As Ludwig Speil recently noted on Twitter. ‘Whenever they chaperoned us, be it on stage, an after party orgy or even a camping trip those lads kept a tight ring around us. They even slept around our bed. I mean our beds. That’s protection for you, although the three of them snoring is something else. All good thespians though. No doubts in that corner’.

MISSING WUNDERSCHNITZEL DRUMMER REEMERGES FROM AMAZON WITH EAU DE COLOGNE

Eau de Cologne Magazine

Max Pedelo, the missing session drummer from Electro Folk Rock Pop super group Wunderschnitzel has reemerged after being reported missing for nearly two years. Last seen heating a bowl of chile con carne at the Wunderschnitzel recording studio in Austria in 2007, he suddenly disappeared without trace, leaving his collection of 3,000 drum sticks behind. Today he launched a new man scent and accompanying ad campaign featuring him lying seductively in a masculine pose and welcomed interested media to his home in Manaus, the capital of The Amazon. When asked where he had been all this time he explained he had been ‘right here’, before adding his reasons for leaving Austria had been because he had feared for his life whilst recording with Wunderschnitzel on the unfinished album ‘Man Fat.’

‘Things weren’t good between Magnus and me. He detests drummers, except bongo players of course, he loves those.’ The former drummer for such groups as Innsbruck funksters ‘Das Hip Sound’ and Salzburg disco meisters ‘Blasmusik’ added that his attentions to create a jolly atmosphere in the Wunderschnitzel studio had been misunderstood. ‘After Ludwig's wife picked out my car keys from a bowl at a party in Klagenfurt and I got signed as the new Wunderschnitzel drummer I really tried to get the boys to like me, but some people just don’t find it funny when you steal a bit of money from them, eat all the food in the fridge, sell their cat to a Chinese take away and generally leave the place in a mess. I think practical jokes are wasted on most Austrian musicians.’ So one night he suddenly decided on a spur of the moment impulse to flee to The Amazon, firstly by taxi, then bus, then train, plane, train, then bus again and finally taxi, before becoming the session drummer for La Trigre Del Oriente. Here’s one of the tracks that he worked on.

WUNDERSCHNITZEL ARRIVE IN SKOPJE

Miss Jimi entertains Macedonia's military brass

The LA Times

SKOPJE-MACEDONIA
It has been five years since Wunderschnitzel have visited Macedonia and by the reception they received at the Skopje bus station yesterday, it seems fans have forgotten the scandal that forced the band to flee the country the last time they played here. Magnus Glocken told the gathered crowd which included the city’s mayor that ‘it was wonderful to be received by such a large crowd that were not chanting and carrying Molotov cocktails’ and he thanked the assembled group of secret police for doing what they do best. Magnus Glocken, Ludwig Spiel and Miss Jimi were then whisked away on the back of a state of the art bullet proof horse and cart to open a new shopping centre, before lunch with military officials at a new franchise of 'Chicken, Chicken,Chicken.' As Magnus and Ludwig played the water drum and finger piano, Miss Jimi danced and sang on the restaurants table tops to the delight of the all male crowd.

That evening at Mister Bo Bo’s, a night club in the centre of the city’s Australian Quarter, Wunderschnitzel, Miss Jimi and a selection of hired local musicians played some of the band’s greatest hits including ‘Space Station Schnitzel’, ‘Backseat Bongos’, ‘Mama Wanted Me to Be in Finance’ and ‘Menu de Jour’. Tomorrow they head to Hungary where Miss Jimi has an appointment with celebrity chiropodist Doctor Derek, while the Wunderschnitzel boys have a photo shoot at The Thong Shop, before that evenings concert at Canoodle Hall where they will be supported by local techno rockers ‘Infantile Man Place’. Doors open at 9pm.

Infantile Man Place

BRYAN AIR TEAM UP WITH WUNDERSCHNITZEL & MISS JIMI

The Aberdeen Advertiser
Bryan Air is pleased to announce that it is offering flights to a number of destinations on the Wunderschnitzel Rock Da Haus Eastern European Tour, all for only £2. Fans will now be able to follow the Electro Folk Rock Pop legends, accompanied by sensation Miss Jimi, to every port of call on the gig calendar via a stop over in Lagos. When asked by the media why the Azerbaijan capital had been left off the list, Managing Director Brian Bryan explained, 'its a bit too far for our pilots and cabin crew. After more than a couple of hours in the air they get a bit unresponsive.'

WUNDERSCHNITZEL RETURN TO 2007 EUROPEAN TOUR TWO YEARS LATER

The South China Morning Post


After nearly two years delayed in Sofia after the first gig of their 2007 East European rock tour, Wunderschnitzel have finally left the Bulgarian capital, known for its smoked cheeses and frilly folkish undergarments. Electro Folk Rock Pop maestros Magnus Glocken and Ludwig Spiel had meant to leave the day after their gig in 2007, but a series of events sidetracked and hijacked the tour. Firstly Miss Jimi, the Armenian pop sensation who has joined the band for the tour, was charged with the death of the Bulgarian Minister of the Exterior, found bound in a hotel closet wearing only a scuba mask. Due to her fame she was not jailed, but had to remain under close house arrest in the palatial apartment belonging to the Minister of the Interior. Now a mother of triplets and a free woman she is ready to slip back into her signature stretched swimsuit and fur coat and entertain rock fans across Eastern Europe again.

Meanwhile during this unexpected time off Magnus Glocken took the opportunity to visit some of his Bulgarian investments including a series of sweatshops making lingerie for teenagers. After this he rented a cell in the nunnery of Saint Kylie and finished his PhD dissertation entitled 'Cake Making and the Rise of The Prussian Empire.' Ludwig Spiel on the other hand spent his time exploring the streets of Sofia after dark and fraternizing with businessmen with similar tastes. One such encounter he claims, gave him the idea of opening Bulgaria’s premier World of Ladders Warehouse, found on the E871 just past the Chinese takeaway near Bozhurishte, their sales motto being, ‘Elevation at rock bottom prices.’

Now back on the road Wunderschnitzel & Miss Jimi told the BBC World Service via telephone this week that although fans lost all their money with the purchase of the 2007 tickets, they would only have to pay 75% for another ticket, but there would be no discounts for students, old age pensioners or animals.

Wunderschnitzel’s long time bodyguards hang up their tasers.

The Basingstoke Chronicle.

Kurt Venderbeers, Uri Flopov and Seymour Wang known as The Three Fists, officially retired today from over sixty years service protecting celebrities and public figures. During their long career they have acted as hired muscle for such celebrities as David Niven, Peter Ustinov, Telly Savalas, The King of Nepal, Burt Reynolds and Billy Ocean. For the past twenty years they have been the personal bodyguards to Electro Folk Rock Pop legends Wunderschnitzel, chaperoning the Austrian music maestros wherever they travel. Kurt Venderbeers, 81 told reporters that he had grown tired of twenty years of boring inactivity and was sorry there had been no attempts on the lives of his employers over that time. ‘Sometimes you’re so bored you pray for a psychopath nutter to come along, but when they don’t, you start thinking, should I plot a fake assassination attempt myself, just to feel excited about going to work again?’ Mr Vanderbeers now plans to move to the Middle East to teach hand to hand combat to wealthy pensioners, while Uri Flopov, 77 added that through his family connections he had been granted the contract with updating his native Moldova’s public urinal system, saying ‘It’s a new area for me, but I’d be stupid to piss this opportunity away.’ The third member Seymour Wang, 93 was not available for interview and according to close intelligence sources, is believed to be currently working undercover as a door to door Tupperware salesman in North Korea.

WUNDERSCHNITZEL ROCK DA HAUS TOUR 2007/09

Wunderschnitzel's Magnus Glocken and Ludwig Speil with the girls from The Sofia Street Corner Choir.

- SOFIA, BULGARIA
Euro-Electro-Folk-Pop-Rock legends Wunderschnitzel have had their fair share of troubles in the past, whether it be the succession of mysterious deaths of their drummers, the numerous paternity suits with their ex wives come former back up singers, or the accusation of being involved in child lingerie sweatshops in Bulgaria. Their come back album “Wurst Calypso” has proved to their fans and critics that they are still the kings of Electro-Pop-Folk-Rock. Currently on their “Rock Das Haus Tour” I managed to catch up with Magnus, Ludwig and the Wunderschnitzel posse in Sofia, the Bulgarian capital, where they are perfecting their new live show.

Day 1:
“Wow that was a great show”, proclaims Ludwig, taking off his Karl Lagerfeld stage kilt and flinging it across the dressing room. He slicks back his long voluptuous thick hair and adjusts his tights, before opening a bottle of kabala sparkling water and taking a long drink. Billy Wolfgang von Goethe, base player with support group Uber Kinda is also in the room, eagerly helping himself to cake and coffee.

“We try and support young, up and coming bands whenever we can, says Magnus, looking at the young rock musician. “And besides, I take pity on them. They are all so thin with no mutti’s cooking on the road, don’t you think? Zwetschgenkuchen?” He holds out a plate of Austrian plum cakes in my direction. “Please take one”, he commands and I do. “I’ve always tell myself that if the music stops then I will always be able to fall back on my cakes”, he laughs and slaps himself before stuffing a miniature cheesecake in his mouth. “Careful,” he splutters with his mouth full, at one of the contract back up singers who nearly sits on a plate of Kirschtorte. Due to the cramped conditions of the dressing room, filled with instruments, contract back up singers and their parents, plus Magnus Glocken’s cake making equipment and ingredients, I decide to perch on the arm of a sofa while Magnus tells me that he has just bought a new food mixer for the tour bus.
“The DX Kitchen Master 3000 is a 1000 watts of butter beating power, with a ten cup capacity and a four speed control. It pulses, it kneads, it pounds, it chops!”
I interject and ask Magnus how the tour was going, since the rash decision of firing their full time wives come back up singers, all of which did their own make up.
“Well when we did the first gig in the Von Trapp Tea Rooms it was easy. I just called our agent Madame Gloria and we had four girls there in an hour. One disappeared though.”
“And how has it been in Hungary?” I ask.

“Well we arrived in Sofia early this morning at around six, so we went straight to the Swiss Quarter. Ludwig has spent some time there, so he knows on which corners you can find the city’s girl choirs. Most European cities have them you know? They’re happy with a day or two of contract work, so we interviewed some applicants briefly on the tour bus and that was that. Tropfkrapfen?”

Magnus holds out a plate of small iced donuts. “They’re still hot,” he says in a high-pitched voice temptingly. I’m certainly not the first music journalist who has been sweetened by Magnus Glocken’s genius cake making skills. Only last year he sent ten-dozen fresh apple strudels to the offices of Rolling Stone Magazine, the day before their front-page interview went to print. But these beguiling skills with butter, flower and vanilla essence have also brought drama to the Wunderschnitzel camp, as I remind Magnus about his much publicized court case with the Düsseldorf cake-making cartel Bonnerman & Wiese.

“Yah, yah they tried to employ me when we were having some rough times after the poor sales of the Bavarian Bongos album, but I never sold any of Mutter’s recipes. Not one. Never!” He thumbs his fist on the table and looks in the air.
“Tell him about the spy Magnus,” mumbles Ludwig. With that Magnus admits for the first time on record that Bonnerman & Wiese tried to plant an agent inside Wunderschnitzel.
“It took months to uncover but in the end it was Mungo. Mungo Schnitt, our second drummer. I should have known that a percussionist with a cake making degree and a background in military intelligence was the sign, but I was so glad to talk to someone about recipes and baking tips that I lost my judgment. I mean Ludwig is supportive up to a point, but he can’t even bake a roggenbrot. He really likes to stuff his face with my cakes when we’re being creative, so I keep going. Cake is actually what probably has kept us together all these years, isn’t it Ludwig?”
“That and hair.”
“True Ludwig knows all you can know about hair.”
“Mungo Schnitt suddenly committed suicide, did he not?” I probe.
“Yah, he did. Isn't that right Ludwig?”
" Yah, Ludwig sighs. "Lept from a hotel balcony only wearing his socks. I ask you what sort of drummer would do this?"
Magnus adjusts his towel and sits down, loosely waving his finger to the back up singers that they can use the shower.
"With only one shower in the dressing room there needs to be order", he explains.
"We used to bath together after a gig, but not every place can cater to our tastes you understand.
“And where is Miss Jimi?” I inquire. “She was very energetic on stage tonight.”
“Oh she has her own arrangements,” replies Ludwig as he applies eye shadow to his face in the mirror. “She was great, but she had to leave in a hurry with her entourage straight after the gig. Apparently she’s making three films before we leave tomorrow. I heard the director has done lots of hand held work before, but all straight to DVD stuff, but she's young and we try and be supportive, don’t we Magnus? We just hope it won’t effect her vocals.”

With that two men in dark glasses enter the room. Ludwig introduces them as 'what drives the Wunderschnitzel machine behind the scenes' and include Good Vibes Director and Accountant Schmuttie Starmann and his body guard Melvin from Serbia. They help themselves to cheesecake and coffee, while Ludwig applies some blusher and starts to reels off ideas to improve the stage show.
“I don’t think five midgets are enough Magnus. There needs to be at least another ten on stage, especially for ‘Bavarian Bonanza’ and ‘Kaiser Bongo Mania’”. The two electro-folk-rock-pop legends go to a corner to talk amongst themselves as if nobody else was in the room, a sign of the close musical relationship that has kept the singer, songwriter team together over the years. They occasionally look over at me and then Ludwig prods Magnus’s chest with his finger a few times.
“OK but don’t give them any alcohol," Magnus insists. "You know what happened to those little fiends when we played that charity event in Belgrade last summer".
Ludwig looks over to Schmuttie Starmann and nods and with that their accountant is on the phone. Ludwig Speil knows what it means to be an entertainer. He lives and breathes Wunderschnitzel and is happier than everyone to be on tour again after years away from the limelight. “It’s where my juices overflow. Man.” He sits down awkwardly next to me and adjust his tights. I’m a little startled by his heavy use of emerald green eyes shadow but try ignore it.
“You like inflatables? We spent a lot of time and money on the inflatables for this tour and I’m really happy with them”, he tells me referring to the thirty foot high cupcake and a breaded chicken steak, the size of ten inflatable mattresses that floats over the crowd during the performance.
“Do you like them?” He rubs his hand through my hair. “I can double the volume of your hair you know,” he utters.
“Miss Jimi seems to be add an extra dimension to the live performance,” I announce.
“Yes she does. She just oozes extra dimension and she has some very tight outfits and matching earrings to match, which is very Wunderschnitzel. When she comes on stage in the spandex and those high heels holding that pump action shotgun, well it just gets the crowd going. And vocally, well she could be singing opera.
“Absolutely” pipes in Magnus, as he puts on his apron ready for another post gig baking session.
“I like to think she’s a lovely cross between Billy Holiday and Simon Le Bon", he continues. “Very lingerie under the fur coat, four o’clock in the morning sort of sound.”
“Very. Put that over some bongos and you’ve got a hit my darling,” says Ludwig offering me another Tropfkrapfen on the end of his finger.

WUNDERSCHNITZEL ROCK DA HAUS EUROPEAN TOUR

TICKETS ON SALE NOW!