WUNDERSCHNITZEL ROCK DA HAUS TOUR 2007/09

Wunderschnitzel's Magnus Glocken and Ludwig Speil with the girls from The Sofia Street Corner Choir.

- SOFIA, BULGARIA
Euro-Electro-Folk-Pop-Rock legends Wunderschnitzel have had their fair share of troubles in the past, whether it be the succession of mysterious deaths of their drummers, the numerous paternity suits with their ex wives come former back up singers, or the accusation of being involved in child lingerie sweatshops in Bulgaria. Their come back album “Wurst Calypso” has proved to their fans and critics that they are still the kings of Electro-Pop-Folk-Rock. Currently on their “Rock Das Haus Tour” I managed to catch up with Magnus, Ludwig and the Wunderschnitzel posse in Sofia, the Bulgarian capital, where they are perfecting their new live show.

Day 1:
“Wow that was a great show”, proclaims Ludwig, taking off his Karl Lagerfeld stage kilt and flinging it across the dressing room. He slicks back his long voluptuous thick hair and adjusts his tights, before opening a bottle of kabala sparkling water and taking a long drink. Billy Wolfgang von Goethe, base player with support group Uber Kinda is also in the room, eagerly helping himself to cake and coffee.

“We try and support young, up and coming bands whenever we can, says Magnus, looking at the young rock musician. “And besides, I take pity on them. They are all so thin with no mutti’s cooking on the road, don’t you think? Zwetschgenkuchen?” He holds out a plate of Austrian plum cakes in my direction. “Please take one”, he commands and I do. “I’ve always tell myself that if the music stops then I will always be able to fall back on my cakes”, he laughs and slaps himself before stuffing a miniature cheesecake in his mouth. “Careful,” he splutters with his mouth full, at one of the contract back up singers who nearly sits on a plate of Kirschtorte. Due to the cramped conditions of the dressing room, filled with instruments, contract back up singers and their parents, plus Magnus Glocken’s cake making equipment and ingredients, I decide to perch on the arm of a sofa while Magnus tells me that he has just bought a new food mixer for the tour bus.
“The DX Kitchen Master 3000 is a 1000 watts of butter beating power, with a ten cup capacity and a four speed control. It pulses, it kneads, it pounds, it chops!”
I interject and ask Magnus how the tour was going, since the rash decision of firing their full time wives come back up singers, all of which did their own make up.
“Well when we did the first gig in the Von Trapp Tea Rooms it was easy. I just called our agent Madame Gloria and we had four girls there in an hour. One disappeared though.”
“And how has it been in Hungary?” I ask.

“Well we arrived in Sofia early this morning at around six, so we went straight to the Swiss Quarter. Ludwig has spent some time there, so he knows on which corners you can find the city’s girl choirs. Most European cities have them you know? They’re happy with a day or two of contract work, so we interviewed some applicants briefly on the tour bus and that was that. Tropfkrapfen?”

Magnus holds out a plate of small iced donuts. “They’re still hot,” he says in a high-pitched voice temptingly. I’m certainly not the first music journalist who has been sweetened by Magnus Glocken’s genius cake making skills. Only last year he sent ten-dozen fresh apple strudels to the offices of Rolling Stone Magazine, the day before their front-page interview went to print. But these beguiling skills with butter, flower and vanilla essence have also brought drama to the Wunderschnitzel camp, as I remind Magnus about his much publicized court case with the Düsseldorf cake-making cartel Bonnerman & Wiese.

“Yah, yah they tried to employ me when we were having some rough times after the poor sales of the Bavarian Bongos album, but I never sold any of Mutter’s recipes. Not one. Never!” He thumbs his fist on the table and looks in the air.
“Tell him about the spy Magnus,” mumbles Ludwig. With that Magnus admits for the first time on record that Bonnerman & Wiese tried to plant an agent inside Wunderschnitzel.
“It took months to uncover but in the end it was Mungo. Mungo Schnitt, our second drummer. I should have known that a percussionist with a cake making degree and a background in military intelligence was the sign, but I was so glad to talk to someone about recipes and baking tips that I lost my judgment. I mean Ludwig is supportive up to a point, but he can’t even bake a roggenbrot. He really likes to stuff his face with my cakes when we’re being creative, so I keep going. Cake is actually what probably has kept us together all these years, isn’t it Ludwig?”
“That and hair.”
“True Ludwig knows all you can know about hair.”
“Mungo Schnitt suddenly committed suicide, did he not?” I probe.
“Yah, he did. Isn't that right Ludwig?”
" Yah, Ludwig sighs. "Lept from a hotel balcony only wearing his socks. I ask you what sort of drummer would do this?"
Magnus adjusts his towel and sits down, loosely waving his finger to the back up singers that they can use the shower.
"With only one shower in the dressing room there needs to be order", he explains.
"We used to bath together after a gig, but not every place can cater to our tastes you understand.
“And where is Miss Jimi?” I inquire. “She was very energetic on stage tonight.”
“Oh she has her own arrangements,” replies Ludwig as he applies eye shadow to his face in the mirror. “She was great, but she had to leave in a hurry with her entourage straight after the gig. Apparently she’s making three films before we leave tomorrow. I heard the director has done lots of hand held work before, but all straight to DVD stuff, but she's young and we try and be supportive, don’t we Magnus? We just hope it won’t effect her vocals.”

With that two men in dark glasses enter the room. Ludwig introduces them as 'what drives the Wunderschnitzel machine behind the scenes' and include Good Vibes Director and Accountant Schmuttie Starmann and his body guard Melvin from Serbia. They help themselves to cheesecake and coffee, while Ludwig applies some blusher and starts to reels off ideas to improve the stage show.
“I don’t think five midgets are enough Magnus. There needs to be at least another ten on stage, especially for ‘Bavarian Bonanza’ and ‘Kaiser Bongo Mania’”. The two electro-folk-rock-pop legends go to a corner to talk amongst themselves as if nobody else was in the room, a sign of the close musical relationship that has kept the singer, songwriter team together over the years. They occasionally look over at me and then Ludwig prods Magnus’s chest with his finger a few times.
“OK but don’t give them any alcohol," Magnus insists. "You know what happened to those little fiends when we played that charity event in Belgrade last summer".
Ludwig looks over to Schmuttie Starmann and nods and with that their accountant is on the phone. Ludwig Speil knows what it means to be an entertainer. He lives and breathes Wunderschnitzel and is happier than everyone to be on tour again after years away from the limelight. “It’s where my juices overflow. Man.” He sits down awkwardly next to me and adjust his tights. I’m a little startled by his heavy use of emerald green eyes shadow but try ignore it.
“You like inflatables? We spent a lot of time and money on the inflatables for this tour and I’m really happy with them”, he tells me referring to the thirty foot high cupcake and a breaded chicken steak, the size of ten inflatable mattresses that floats over the crowd during the performance.
“Do you like them?” He rubs his hand through my hair. “I can double the volume of your hair you know,” he utters.
“Miss Jimi seems to be add an extra dimension to the live performance,” I announce.
“Yes she does. She just oozes extra dimension and she has some very tight outfits and matching earrings to match, which is very Wunderschnitzel. When she comes on stage in the spandex and those high heels holding that pump action shotgun, well it just gets the crowd going. And vocally, well she could be singing opera.
“Absolutely” pipes in Magnus, as he puts on his apron ready for another post gig baking session.
“I like to think she’s a lovely cross between Billy Holiday and Simon Le Bon", he continues. “Very lingerie under the fur coat, four o’clock in the morning sort of sound.”
“Very. Put that over some bongos and you’ve got a hit my darling,” says Ludwig offering me another Tropfkrapfen on the end of his finger.