Wunderschnitzel’s long time bodyguards hang up their tasers.

The Basingstoke Chronicle.

Kurt Venderbeers, Uri Flopov and Seymour Wang known as The Three Fists, officially retired today from over sixty years service protecting celebrities and public figures. During their long career they have acted as hired muscle for such celebrities as David Niven, Peter Ustinov, Telly Savalas, The King of Nepal, Burt Reynolds and Billy Ocean. For the past twenty years they have been the personal bodyguards to Electro Folk Rock Pop legends Wunderschnitzel, chaperoning the Austrian music maestros wherever they travel. Kurt Venderbeers, 81 told reporters that he had grown tired of twenty years of boring inactivity and was sorry there had been no attempts on the lives of his employers over that time. ‘Sometimes you’re so bored you pray for a psychopath nutter to come along, but when they don’t, you start thinking, should I plot a fake assassination attempt myself, just to feel excited about going to work again?’ Mr Vanderbeers now plans to move to the Middle East to teach hand to hand combat to wealthy pensioners, while Uri Flopov, 77 added that through his family connections he had been granted the contract with updating his native Moldova’s public urinal system, saying ‘It’s a new area for me, but I’d be stupid to piss this opportunity away.’ The third member Seymour Wang, 93 was not available for interview and according to close intelligence sources, is believed to be currently working undercover as a door to door Tupperware salesman in North Korea.